Friday 16 November 2012

Life is a rollercoaster

Life is a rollercoaster, never more so than these last few days.   Yesterday we had to go meet Missy's foster carer at a local cafe.  As mentioned before, I was not looking forward to this as it clearly unsettles Missy.  She wet the bed the night before last and also at school yesterday (although didn't tell anyone) and again yesterday afternoon (but didn't tell me, I only realised when she took her clothes off for bathtime).  At the meeting she was calling the FC mummy and has called me by the FC's name today.  I was also not happy that FC was asking for hugs which I'm sure can't be appropriate.

Yesterday afternoon after we returned from seeing FC, her behaviour clearly demonstrated her anxiety with one massive tantrum (think two year old), three mini tantrums and lots of tears.  She wouldn't take her school bag and water bottle into the house from the car and demanded I did it as I was nearer (I wasn't) and after playing shops she had the biggest tantrum because I dropped a cat toy on the floor (where it usually lives) which had been in her 'shop'.  Proper full on ground-thumping shouting the house down tantrum.  It's so sad to see but I attempted to remain calm and employed some therapeutic parenting.  Later on Missy also was monumentally upset that I had to stop playing whilst I made her dinner, finished changing her bed and then when I did a countdown to bathtime (which she usually loves) and going to bed. I wonder whether she had every been left alone for long periods by birth mum and is remembering the anxiety she felt then?

In fact everything upset her yesterday afternoon.  This is not good for a little 5 year old who has made enormous progress over the last few weeks.  It's also  not good for Mummy who also got rather overwhelmed and burst into tears when Daddy got home at 8pm. I'm getting more used to how to respond to her and how to help her but it's heartbreaking to see her like this and I hate that fact that for a fleeting moment I wonder whether we've done the right thing to adopt.

Today though it's clear we have, of course, done the right thing.  Today Daddy is not working which meant I managed a sneaky 10 minutes in bed by myself once he'd gone downstairs with young lady.  She gave me a massive hug in bed and before school, and whilst getting ready she said that she hadn't been a good girl yesterday because she was crying.  Oh bless her.  Daddy and I spent a little time explaining that crying doesn't mean she wasn't a good girl.  Today so far she has been gorgeous, funny, loving and smart.

I decided to call her social worker to tell about events of the last few days.  She totally agrees with me that the FC visit is clearly unsettling and will put our views across that another visit is not in her best interests.   I felt much better after speaking with her.  And Daddy and I are going to reinforce the message to Missy about being with us forever.

So, Missy is at school, Daddy has gone to MOT his car whilst I've found some time to continue sorting old paperwork and found I have a dormant bank account with a whopping £11.40 in it!!  Hurrah, that'll pay for lunch out today.

1 comment:

  1. Hiya Sezz - am finally sitting down with a cuppa and reading through all your blog posts. I am surprised here that you have to meet the FCs so soon after placement. We waited a month (and that was against the SWs recommendations who wanted us to wait 6 months). Our situation was unusual in that Katie's FC's were asked to be her grandparents as well. I'm not surprised this unsettled her to be honest. xxx


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