Thursday 28 March 2013

Birthday Party

Missy recently attended her first birthday party (well, that we know of).  I was looking forward to it too as it meant 2 hours off from Missy's attention-seeking, and 2 more hours where I could get to know some more of the mums from school.

The theme was Princess, Pirate and Super Heroes and needless to say Missy went as a Princess.  Luckily we had all the necessary gear so I didn't have to spend out on more fancy dress.

I was a little apprehensive as to how Missy would cope with food time and also wondered how she would be generally.  Would she be unhappy I was staying at the party, would she growl at me if I spoke to her, would she play nicely with the other party-goers?

As it happens, the party went swimmingly as far as I was concerned.   Missy was really looking forward to it and, if she had her way, we would have been at the party house at midday rather than 3pm.  Once there, Missy was happy to join in straight away with dancing and playing and seemed to fit in really well.  She didn't mind when I suggested she take her princess shoes off and happily let me re-arrange her crown.  Unlike the school disco, she seemed relaxed although didn't take a great deal of notice of the kids entertainer when she tried to explain about the games.   During musical bumps, Missy was second to be out and the mums loved the way the entertainer picked the last one standing and said "well done, come and sit here" without making them feel like they'd lost.

I got to speak with a few more mums which was good and I now feel more comfortable about speaking to them at the school gate.  I did try to make an effort with a mum of one of Missy's best friends and suggested a playdate but she wasn't very forthcoming.  With my positive hat on, I just moved on.

When food time came, there was the usual unhealthy party good laid out.  Missy actually loves fruit and veg, and things like hummus and rye bread, so I wondered to Daddy later what her friends would think if they came here for a party and found loads of healthy snacks. Haha.  Missy was brilliant with her food - she let me help her put food on her plate, she declined some more food when it was offered round, but took a sausage roll and then looked at me with a smile that said "is this ok?".  I smiled back.  She sat beautifully whilst eating and closed her mouth whilst chewing - lord, I cannot bear people, adults or children, who chew with mouth open or talk with mouth full. I was really pleased with how food time went.

Two hours came and went.  Another two inches of snow had fallen.  Another step in the right direction for us.   There was a tantrum at home later but I'll put that down to tiredness and over-excitement.

In other news, I've given up coffee and re-visiting my large stock of herbal teas (does tea ever go out of date?).

Friday 22 March 2013

Being positive

I've been quite negative lately, in my thoughts and feelings.  It's all part of post-adoption depression.

However, after a session of EFT recently I'm beginning to feel a bit brighter.  EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique and involves tapping on specific points on meridians around the body, the same points as used for thousands of years in acupuncture.  As you tap, you think of your problem and use positive affirmations and this all helps clear the energy blockage in the meridians.   I did have an almighty healing crisis the next day though (complementary therapies can help the body get rid of toxins but it's a sign the body is healing itself) and was violently sick (both ends).  Since then I've felt much calmer.   I still have negative thoughts but am helping myself to have more positive thoughts and am doing tapping most days.

I'm a fan of the Law of Attraction  which says that 'like attracts like'.  So if you think negative or positive thoughts, you'll get negative or positive results.  If you are constantly programming your brain with negativity - I'm a bad mummy, no-one talks to me at the school gate, Missy is always angry, I can't cook etc - then the brain will do just as you have programmed it too.  The book I'm reading at the moment is "What to say when you talk to yourself".

It's hard work being positive all the time as negative thoughts invariably creep in, they sense that tiny opening in the mind not filled by a positive thought and, whoosh!, in they go.  Damn, didn't catch that one in time.  Oh, there you go, you see, I've just said it's hard work being positive therefore it will be hard work. Doh.   Essentially the book talks about behaviour, feelings, attitude and beliefs.  It's no good just thinking "I'm a great mum" when your deep held belief is that you're not.  It's like have a little monster on your shoulder that quietly and annoyingly says "no you're not, no you're not" when you positively affirm that you're a "good mummy".   Behaviour depends on your feelings towards something, which in turn depends on your attitude, which in turn depends on your core beliefs.  So that's what I'm going to do, work on my core beliefs.  I'll keep you posted.  I think chocolate may help me though ("which means you'll get fat", says the little monster - damn who let that negative thought in!)

Talking of being positive, we had a Theraplay 6 week review yesterday with the therapist and the family finding social worker.  We updated them on Missy's behaviours and they both seemed really happy with where we are all at right now compared to several months ago, even if me and Daddy can't quite see it.  Later in the afternoon, our own social worker came to to see us as she has not met Missy before.  She'd heard a lot about her and was also very positive.  Luckily we have great social workers and I feel heartened to hear they feel things are going well.  Perhaps, as I said to them, it's because we are so close that we can't always see the difference, but as they only see Missy once a month, they can more clearly see the positives.   Don't get me wrong, it's certainly not all sunshine and roses around here now, there are many issues for which we have only scratched the surface and some issues which are still hidden and may not surface for years, but for now I will focus on the positives.

In other news, Missy has her first birthday party to attend tomorrow.  I'm really looking forward to it.

Monday 11 March 2013

Mothers' Day

So yesterday was my first Mothers Day.  A day I wondered if I would ever celebrate.

I wondered how Missy would feel.  Would she play up, would she miss her birth mother, would she be delightful?

I thought I'd be gushing with emotion on my first Mothers Day.  But I wasn't.  To be honest, I wasn't sure how I'd feel or was supposed to feel.  I felt a bit underwhelmed by my feelings.  But I feel this is far more down to the hype of Mothers Day, much like Valentines Day, from the card companies and the supermarkets.

I actually had a lovely day in practice.  I had breakfast in bed and Missy gave me a card she had made earlier in the week.  I received a gorgeous top from Missy and some beautiful yellow roses.  Daddy made the most scrumptious lunch (pork loin with marmalade and roasted veg - he really is a good cook) and whilst he was cooking, Missy dressed up as a princess rock star and put on a short show, with some awesome guitar moves.  I was instructed to sit down by Missy and rest (although I did put some washing on)  and we played a couple of games.  I spoke to my lovely mum on the phone (who I took out to breakfast today).  All in all a very relaxing day.  I can't even remember if Missy had a tantrum.

I have to admit we didn't talk about birth mum with Missy.  She didn't mention birth mum at all. If she had, we would certainly have talked. I'm sure in years to come we will.

Yesterday was about me and Missy.  Selfish?  Maybe.  But I've waited so long to receive that homemade card.  And I've had a crappy three or four weeks and I just wanted to enjoy yesterday. Now that I've got past my first Mothers Day, I can relax and not worry about how I should feel.

Saturday 9 March 2013

Cleaning is fun

First of all, thank you to my blog readers who have expressed concern for my wellbeing and emailed me to check I am ok.  It means a lot that you care.  Thank you.  I am feeling a bit brighter.  I'm going to write a couple of positive posts then I'll udpate on last week.

So, regarding the cleaning as mentioned in the title of this post.  "Cleaning is fun" is what Missy declared today.

After a trip round the larger supermarket where she is always well behaved, I explained I had a few jobs to do before lunch.  Missy decided she would help me by cleaning the bathroom.  With no prompt or help from me, she started cleaning the bath, sink, taps, shelf and walls with the sponge.  Bless.  She used our aloe liquid soap so no probs with her touching cleaning products.  I wondered whether I should be worried about her cleaning - I hope it wasn't something she had to do in her birth home - but watching her I realised she was enjoying it and genuinely wanted to be like mummy and copy what I was doing.  She actually did a good job (although I suspect one might have a soapy bottom after sitting on the loo seat - I've used downstairs loo since so I don't know yet). Copying, apparently, is a sign that attachment is growing.

She did make me laugh later when we went out to a local soft play.  "Mummy, your tidy isn't that tidy".  I think she's been talking to either Daddy or my Mum.  They both think I'm untidy.  I'm not untidy, I'm just not obsessive about cleaning and having a house that looks like a show house.

Actually cleaning is fun.  When I lived by myself long ago, I used to love my Saturday mornings when I did the weekly big clean of my flat whilst watching SMTV with Ant & Dec or CDUK.  I got out of that routine when I met Daddy.  It sounds like I don't clean now - I do, honestly.  I'm just not obsessive and don't have a  particular day I do the big clean.  But watching the programme has inspired me to do a big Spring clean.  Spring is bright and cheerful.  Spring is new things.  Spring is sunshine.  I like Spring so a Spring clean sounds like a good plan.

However I can't do that tomorrow as Missy has declared that as tomorrow is Mother's Day, I don't have to do anything and that her and Daddy are chefs for the day.  Sounds good to me.
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