Friday 22 March 2013

Being positive

I've been quite negative lately, in my thoughts and feelings.  It's all part of post-adoption depression.

However, after a session of EFT recently I'm beginning to feel a bit brighter.  EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique and involves tapping on specific points on meridians around the body, the same points as used for thousands of years in acupuncture.  As you tap, you think of your problem and use positive affirmations and this all helps clear the energy blockage in the meridians.   I did have an almighty healing crisis the next day though (complementary therapies can help the body get rid of toxins but it's a sign the body is healing itself) and was violently sick (both ends).  Since then I've felt much calmer.   I still have negative thoughts but am helping myself to have more positive thoughts and am doing tapping most days.

I'm a fan of the Law of Attraction  which says that 'like attracts like'.  So if you think negative or positive thoughts, you'll get negative or positive results.  If you are constantly programming your brain with negativity - I'm a bad mummy, no-one talks to me at the school gate, Missy is always angry, I can't cook etc - then the brain will do just as you have programmed it too.  The book I'm reading at the moment is "What to say when you talk to yourself".

It's hard work being positive all the time as negative thoughts invariably creep in, they sense that tiny opening in the mind not filled by a positive thought and, whoosh!, in they go.  Damn, didn't catch that one in time.  Oh, there you go, you see, I've just said it's hard work being positive therefore it will be hard work. Doh.   Essentially the book talks about behaviour, feelings, attitude and beliefs.  It's no good just thinking "I'm a great mum" when your deep held belief is that you're not.  It's like have a little monster on your shoulder that quietly and annoyingly says "no you're not, no you're not" when you positively affirm that you're a "good mummy".   Behaviour depends on your feelings towards something, which in turn depends on your attitude, which in turn depends on your core beliefs.  So that's what I'm going to do, work on my core beliefs.  I'll keep you posted.  I think chocolate may help me though ("which means you'll get fat", says the little monster - damn who let that negative thought in!)

Talking of being positive, we had a Theraplay 6 week review yesterday with the therapist and the family finding social worker.  We updated them on Missy's behaviours and they both seemed really happy with where we are all at right now compared to several months ago, even if me and Daddy can't quite see it.  Later in the afternoon, our own social worker came to to see us as she has not met Missy before.  She'd heard a lot about her and was also very positive.  Luckily we have great social workers and I feel heartened to hear they feel things are going well.  Perhaps, as I said to them, it's because we are so close that we can't always see the difference, but as they only see Missy once a month, they can more clearly see the positives.   Don't get me wrong, it's certainly not all sunshine and roses around here now, there are many issues for which we have only scratched the surface and some issues which are still hidden and may not surface for years, but for now I will focus on the positives.

In other news, Missy has her first birthday party to attend tomorrow.  I'm really looking forward to it.


  1. I'm pleased you've found the EFT to help, tapping is something that I've never tried, but have considered often, and perhaps now I'll investigate it further.

    I hope Missy enjoys the birthday party and isn't too overwhelmed by it.

    Thanks for sharing with #WASO and inspiring me to look up EFT x

    1. I don't think the party will overhwelm her too much as it's all her female classmates there who she is comfy with. It's the party food I'm more concerned about - I'll need to keep an eye on her plate.

  2. Tapping ROCKS! CHT loves it, and I keep catching her doing it unprompted now. She taps to "even though i feel [really angry/scared/whatever] right now, i am a REALLY GREAT KID. She is having far more near miss angry moments, and it noticeably more at ease. happy, and positively emotional. WHOOP!

    I think EFT should be tried by everyone - and I am not a believer in Hippie Voodoo! Glad to hear its working for you. Mx

    1. That's fab to hear that CHT loves it!! In time, I'd love to work with children using EFT.

  3. So glad you are finding some positive things to help remind yourself how amazing you are - not tried EFT but the positive phrases themselves are great - and yes - hard to do - with our cynical and put down culture.
    really hope the party goes well - it means so much to have the first party invite doesn't it!

  4. I think EFT sounds amazing,I've used positive affirmations with my oldest and myself and they've worked a bit. I have struggled for a long time with maintaining my own positive energy and it is about training the mind, lots of practice, I get better at it with every day. Keep going. And it really does sound like you are making progress with Missy too. hope the party went well.

    Thanks for linking up to The Weekly Adoption Shout Out


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