The Best Bits

Next week The Adoption Social are holding a Twitter chat about #theBestBits as an antidote to last week's chat about child to parent violence.

Readers of my blog may be forgiven in thinking it's all negative in Missy world.  Whilst anger is never far away, I can assure you we do have some good moments.  When Missy's head is filled with anger, red mist, anxieties and worries I wonder how her brain can find space to learn. But she manages it.

So, our Best Bit recently was at the recent parents' evening where and Daddy and I were pleasantly surprised by the progress she has made and how happy her teacher is with her work. Her reading is very good, she loves to write and write and write, she's made huge leaps in her maths, she's now feeling confident enough to put up her hand to answer a question and her artwork is, as usual, to a high standard.  

Her progress started once she had settled in class, not worrying so much about who was coming in and out, who was sitting where and why wasn't so and so on the right chair, was talking to who, who had hurt themselves. Missy is hyper vigilant, she doesn't miss anything. Open the fridge slightly for two seconds and she'll immediately clock all the contents.  Watch Beat the Brain on BBC2 at 6.30pm and you'll do better to beat Missy on certain of the Observation rounds. But at least for now her hyper vigilance is not getting in the way of her school work.

Also at school Missy recently was awarded the weekly class merit for using her initiative and it seems that she has quite a lot of friends.  This week is SATS week and whilst her teacher has very much played them down, I did think Missy would struggle but, no, she was actually looking forward to doing the tests and has been quite chilled out about them.

So they are Missy's best bits for this week.  I'll post some more next week.

My best bits were when Steve Norman of Spandau Ballet followed me on Twitter and Martin Kemp retweeted one of my tweets.  I'm easily pleased.  <sigh>

Three cheers for social media

Where would we be without the Internet? Me, I'd probably would have imploded right now into a sticky mess, having already developed a large lump on my head from too much wall banging.  I didn't put 'the Internet' on our Support Network spidagram when we did this for our home study - it didn't even occur to me to do so and I would probably would have been questioned if I had.  Little did I know that that the Internet would prove to be one of our best forms of support over the last couple of years.

I love social media. I'm not active on everything the internet has offer, preferring to stick with Facebook, Twitter, the odd foray into Instagram and, of course, blogging.  I started my blog as a way of keeping family and some friends updated with our adoption process and as a diary for us.  I then discovered other adopters on Twitter and started sharing my blog there too.  I'd been on Twitter for some time under my own name and business, amassing several thousand followers in the process, and knew how good it was for conversation and connected with like-minded individuals.  However, I need to keep my blog confidential and so set up another Twitter account.

Soon I found many other adopters and prospective adopters and over the last couple of years we have built quite a nice little community.  Some followers I have now met in 'real life' thanks to the recent Open Nest conference, some I know because they are local adopters to me and others I feel I know so much about even though we have never met and may indeed never meet!  What I love is that if I'm having a bad day I can tweet a comment and somewhere out there in Twitterland will be at least one adopter silently nodding their head as if to say 'yes, I understand'.  In Twitterland there are people who 'get it', who understand why I'm feeling the way I am or get why Missy might be behaving the way she is.  Likewise, it's great to support other adopters out there, many of whom are still on the journey to approval and matching. Twitter is also great and helping things go viral, like the Kids Company campaign 'See The Child'.  I bloody love Twitter.  If you are an adopter or prospective adopter reading this and not yet on Twitter, then join! Now!  Come and say hi.

Facebook is pretty good too.  I don't put too much info on my personal account but have a Facebook page linked to this blog, on which I post my blog udpates and also other adoption related news that I see.  Facebook also helps me keep up to date with other adoption bloggers and there's two great support groups too.  I don't always post on them but just reading some of the posts and knowing there are others experiencing the same issues is comforting.  Obviously it's not nice we experience these problems in our families but at least we aren't doing it alone.

And of course, I'm linking this blog post up with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO on The Adoption Social, a brilliant online resource for adopters and umbrella for adoption blogs.

Three cheers for social media and for all my lovely friends, real and virtual, on Twitter.

Things We Do : The Round of Applause Game

Right from the start, when Missy came to live with us, we started playing The Round of Applause Game at meal times.   I think at the time I had just read The Magic for the second or third time, in which one of the tasks is to think about things during the day for which you are thankful, the thinking being that gratitude can lead to abundance. So, I thought I'd try something similar at home with Missy and turn it into a game which would hopefully help her self-esteem.

Whenever we all eat together, usually at weekends and occasionally during the week, at the end of the meal we take it in turns to give each other a round of applause.  For example, I'll say "A round of applause for Missy for listening so well in swimming" for which Daddy and I will give the round of applause.  We then take it turns to give each other a round of applause, but with Missy getting the lion's share.  We'll think of activities she's done well in or tried her best; perhaps we'll notice a good behaviour or something she has said.

Lately, we've given Missy a round of applause for helping Daddy dig a big hole in the garden, for keeping going on a long walk, for making a good effort when learning to ride her bike, for making great tasting muffins, for shouting so brilliantly at the London Marathon runners, for painting a fabulous picture, for helping Mummy plant some seeds and for playing so nicely with other children in the park, to name but a few.

Missy loves to receive these positive affirmations.  She's also good at giving them too.  Quite often it's 'a round of applause for Daddy for working so hard' or 'a round of applause for Mummy for another great meal'.  One of my favourites was 'a round of applause for all of us for just being us', along with 'a round of applause for my lovely family'.

No matter the mood she's been in that day, the Round of Applause game will be sure to lift her mood to one of positivity.  I'm sure it's a game we'll be playing for a long time to come.



This post links up with #TheThingsWeDo on The Adoption Social