Friday, 2 May 2014

Loss (again)

We were late for school this morning. Missy had an epic meltdown just as it was time to leave. I was kicked and punched, cushions and water bottle thrown, car kicked.

A mix of things were troubling here: school summer dress in the wash, nervous about talking to her class about the adoption certificate given to her by the Judge and hating her glasses which amazingly stayed in tact despite flying around the house and car several times. I took the decision that today was not the day to take her certificate in, which angered her even more, but she's not ready yet.

But the issue that I think is the biggy, the one that is at the heart of today's meltdown is that one of her best friends is leaving the school.  She really looks up to this particular girl, a girl I feel is a really positive influence for Missy. Once again Missy will experience loss.

My best friend moved away when I was 6 years old. I still clearly remember crying in the class and not clearly understanding fully that I wouldn't see her again. However we wrote letters each month and are still in contact, forty years later. I probably still have those letters somewhere. I'm not sure how far away her friend is moving but will see what we can do about staying in contact.

But Missy has already experienced too much loss so far in her life than I ever had throughout my childhood.  Missy is showing her feelings about this loss through anger. Today she hates school, she hates everyone at school and says that no one at school likes her, all of which I know is not ordinarily the truth but school is where this loss will appear so she's taking her anger out on the school.  In fact, she hates everything, including herself.

I suspect the long weekend will be a bit up and down in terms of emotions and we will do all we can to support her.


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