Tuesday 23 April 2013

A good weekend then back to normality

Since my last blog post, we've had a great weekend.  On Saturday we went to the zoo and the local soft play which was Missy's idea.  In the afternoon our town held a St George's celebration, with a kiddies fairground, stalls, lucky dips, maypole dancing, ice creams and St George re-enactments.   It was a lovely afternoon in the sun.  Back home, Missy and her toys had a picnic in the garden whilst I pottered around.  I can't quite remember (memory is shocking these days) but I'm sure there were some tears and strops at some point.

Sunday, we ventured into London to watch the London Marathon and found a great spot just before mile 25.  I was really proud of Missy as we stood by the barrier, shouting and cheering and getting high fives from those runners who had an ounce of energy left.  We were there for 3.5 hours - a long time to stay in the same place and Missy barely complained.  As she'd been so good, we treated her to a burger and chips at a Grill near Leicester Square.    Sunday evening, I'll put down to tiredness, but I got a lot of chat back and a massive shove backwards whilst she was supposed to be cleaning her teeth.  I had to walk out the bathroom otherwise I would have shouted.  Daddy took over.  But all in all, a really good weekend.

Then we're back at school.  Some tears in the morning, stroppy after school, more tears over things completely contradicting what she'd said or done earlier.   Whilst we were reading her school book, I suggested we both hold a side of the book, otherwise I couldn't see what she was reading.  She tried to pull it away from me and I calmly explained that pulling the book might tear it.  "I'll break you in a minute" she shouted.  I was shocked, so shocked that she had five minutes time-in straight away.  This sounded like an adult talking, not a five year old.   I stayed calm but inside I was seething.   Five minutes later she apologised and we had a hug.  More stroppiness, over what I gave her for tea, over having quiet time, over not being allowed to get the glitter out five minutes before bed.  I'm exhausted.  At bedtime, we read a story, the Little Miss stories for the umpteenth time, and then did a children's meditation on CD.  I nearly fell asleep myself.  She was out like a light.

Later last night, our social workers came to visit.  We explained our lives since their last visit and they are really happy that there appears to be progress.  I have to say, on the whole we have really supportive social workers which, hearing from other adopters, isn't the norm.  Chatting to them, it's obvious from our own words that we do care, that we are proud, that progress is certainly being made.  One step backwards, two steps forward.  They broached the subject of the Adoption Order.  It's been six months now since Missy moved in and Daddy and I don't quite feel ready to apply for the AO.  A birth mum has nine months to bond with her child and the idea of being a real mum.  I've had six so far.  So we'll be waiting for a little longer.We don't have any intention of Missy moving on but right now it doesn't feel quite right. It's a little scary to be honest.  Whilst we have access to Post Adoption Support, I'm not ready yet to let go of the social workers who will disappear once the AO goes in. In fact the Family Finder SW is probably only go to be around for another month or so and suggested the next time she comes to see Missy, it will be a goodbye meeting.  Oh joy.  That will produce a few days of high anxiety from Missy no doubt.

In other news, I'm back on the coffee.  Right, time for some meditation.

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