Thursday 20 December 2012

Dreading school holidays

It's 90 minutes until I need to go pick up Missy as they are finishing an hour early today for the Christmas holidays.  My heart is pounding, the anxiety rising.  I'm dreading the school holidays to be honest because it will be full on attention-needing from Missy.

On one hand I want to fill the days, but on the other I do need to keep some normality and routine.  Daddy is off work on Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve and Christmas Eve, but the other days he's in work and on some of those days he's doing extended hours.  Suggestions of what I can do to amuse a 5 year old who often exhibits as a 3 year old are most definitely welcomed.

A friend is coming round on Saturday with her adopted daughter aged 10, so will be interesting to see how Missy plays with her.  I had to take Missy into school today as Daddy was in work early and within seconds of walking in, she was having a strop with another girl in her class over sharing an activity.   We went to see the school play yesterday and as I sat there looking round at the other ever-so-proud mums and dads, beaming with pride at their child, taking loads of photos, I couldn't help but feel a little sad and a little jealous of them.  I didn't feel that pride.  Missy didn't have a big part, just had to sing some songs with her classmates, although I say sing, she actually looked like she mumbled most of the time and stuck her fingers in her mouth.  I did notice she didn't sing 'figgy pudding' but instead sang 'piggy pudding', which made me smile.  At the end, all the parents went over to their child for a big hug, and a 'wow, weren't you brilliant' moment. Daddy and I went over to Missy but she just stared at us and then backed away when Daddy tried to hug her.  We said she was fantastic and in reply she said "I don't want to talk about it" and backed away, getting very stroppy.  When she's like that we really can't do much so we left and a TA took her back into the classroom.  She's like that most afternoons I collect her actually.

There have been a few good moments over the last few days.  Daddy is brilliant at playing with Missy and doing lots of rough and tumble stuff, plus he's great at just thinking up random games.  There was lots of laughter yesterday afternoon after school and she was in a great mood.  She loves doing our hair and Daddy and I both visited her hairdressers.  Another good time was on Sunday after lunch when we went out for a walk over the fields, a favourite walk of mine and Daddy's.  Surprisingly, Missy enjoyed it and loved walking in the mud, getting her wellies covered, although she did nearly get well and truly stuck.

Everyone I speak to says we are doing well and it's very early days.  It's 8 weeks tomorrow since she came home to live with us so I suppose it is early.  Mums with birth children are also moaning about their children at this time of year, with so much going on.  My cousin and my Mum have been giving me some great advice and ideas on what to do.  It's still hard though.  We're still not feeling much affection towards her, rather we feel like we are just babysitting.  I'm assured this feeling does go and we will suddenly realise one day that we do have affection for her.

The social workers came round yesterday for a catch up.  It felt like a moaning session from us really, with not much practical advice coming back from them.  They did say however that Missy's social worker, who visited last week, was really pleased to see how much less anxiety she was displaying.  We're still getting wet knickers though, a sign of anxiety, and now she's started, in the last week, to continually say she is hungry.  I'm quite sure she isn't as she's actually put some weight on recently.  I'm sure it's a sign of something else, though what I don't know.  We're not aware of any major food issues when she was in birth home, but then again we don't know for sure.

Oh well, I'd better savour this last 45 minutes of peace before I go on the school run.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Sezz - so much is familiar in this post! I am an adoptive mum of an 8 year old who came to me at 6 - and I was only telling the story of her nativity plays today - it becomes a kind of barometer of their progress! I remember that at her first one (6 months with us) she was completely silent and spent the week preceding it refusing to go to bed and then wetting the bed repeatedly (I think 4 four times was my worst night!). She was massively anxious to be looked at by a whole room full of people! The next year she did better - but her singing/dancing was always one bar behind the rest because she just copied the person next to her. Fear dominated the whole process again. This year was amazing - she stood at the front, sang her heart out and smiled the whole time....a different child. Two things changed - school know how to help her now, by keeping an adult close to her at all times; and secondly her confidence has grown along with her attachment. Hold fast - all good things will come to those who wait, but looking back my expectations like yours were that things would change much more quickly than they can. Good luck! (I run an organisation now for adoptive families -


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