Today is a "rest day" on the introductions plan. Except we haven't rested much. We had a review meeting with social workers, then went shopping for various DIY and housey things then home and straight onto the PC to get my accounts done once and for all and sent off to the accountant. When I worked in an office, I was bloody good at paperwork even though I say so myself, all expenses done well before time. But doing my own at home, that's another story. Anyway they are done and I feel so much better.
Yesterday was a strange day. It was the longest day so far that Little One would spend at our home. She seemed a little quiet in the morning and I wasn't on best form either as it was TOTM. I find it particularly unfair that I can't conceive and yet I still have to endure periods. Alana Morrisette's song "Ironic" springs to mind.
We are so mindful of Little One's past and trauma she may or may not have been through and our parenting is a massive learning curve. I say curve, it's almost vertical. Adopters style of parenting is different from foster carers style of parenting as they have strict guidelines to adhere to under the heading 'safe care'. It must be very confusing for an adopted child to have an overlap of two different styles. We all cheered up soon and had a day of colouring, hide and seek, lunch, more hide and seek and a visit to the local park before heading back to the foster carers. We'd heard about Littly having food issues. Her birth mum would bring junk to contact meetings and when she moved to the foster carers she was fussy, taking ages to eat food and store it in her mouth. But lately (it seems mainly since contact meetings have ended) she is so much better with food. She likes everything and eats well although we have noticed she takes massive mouthfuls and doesn't appear to chew as much as she should so we have started to work on that. I think she is also getting rather tired of the to-ing and fro-ing as are we. Her memory is incredible, she is very perceptive and nothing passes her by. She noticed that the social worker who came to visit for 20 mins had had her hair cut (I didn't) and she remembered a song she had sung in school bearing in mind she hasn't been at school for nearly two weeks now. She sang the song over and over all the way back to the foster carers, asking Mummy and Daddy to choose various fruit and veg she had to sing about :-)
On the way back from dropping her off, Daddy and I stopped for a cuppa at M&S (lovely cake there!) and chatted about how we felt. I said I still felt it was like we were babysitting and merely looking after a young child. Of course Rome wasn't built in a day and attachments certainly won't be built in 10 days. It will be a gradual process on both sides. Mr asked me if I 'loved her to bits yet'. Honestly?..no I don't. But I will. Daddy agreed. That's not to say we don't think she's gorgeous and lovable and funny, she is. I have worried though about how to be a mum without the natural chemicals that flow when motherhood by birth occurs. I look at Daddy and he is a natural. But then I confer with friends who are birth mums and they have/had the same feelings so then I don't feel so bad. I did have a little cry last night - I think it's just the tiredness and emotions...but then watched Great British Bake Off and felt much better. There's something about baking, even just watching it, that I find so therapeutic and I have many lovely memories from childhood that involve baking (I feel a Coffee Walnut Cake and Rock buns coming soon).
So the review meeting went well, no concerns. We had to hand over a letter confirming we would like to proceed with the adoption. Of course the letter confirmed we would. Hopefully that's the last time we have to visit the local authority's offices. Unfortunately one of the social workers confirmed our local primary school will not accept Little One as they are full. Annoying as it's our nearest and the best. The issue has gone as high as it can in the LA so they are trying another school which was second on our list.
Three sleeps to go and I'm off to do some baking.
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