This blog links up with #WASO - the Weekly Adoption Shout Out.
Like all adopters, when going through the process towards approval, we had to show that we had a good support network.
On paper ours was excellent: family, close friends, other friends, adopters, work-related people, social services, neighbours.
The reality has been, well, different. Some friends have disappeared, some people who I thought would call regularly haven't called once to see how we are. It was rather like when my Dad died - lots of people immediately expressed their sorrow, their care, their sadness but then went quiet on me - in fact one friend never called and when I later asked him why, he said that he didn't know what to say. Maybe that's it, people don't know what to say to us, think they're intruding, think we'll be too busy. I don't know. I don't think it's just up to us to be constantly updating people is it?
Of course, we have had some wonderful support. My mum has been brill and one mum at school has been so lovely (the only mum who knows); adopters who live locally; social services have been very good too (yes, really), spending lots of time with us in the early days listening, offering suggestions and arranging theraplay and one of my best friends has been so supportive.
But I think one of the biggest areas of support are from people I've never met, may never meet or even know their real names and that's the online community. Through Twitter, the blogging community and The Adoption Social website, I've linked up with other adopters, shared problems, shared positive moments, shared advice, cried, laughed and compared chocolate binges. These are the mums and dads who completely understand how we feel, who have children with similar behaviours and just 'get it'. Even when I'm stuck indoors, not wanting to leave the sofa, I know I can log on to Twitter and find someone to chat with, someone in the same shoes as me and then I don't feel so isolated.
Blimey, how on earth would I have coped without social media!
In other news, I wasn't successful in the London Marathon ballot <breathes sigh of relief>. Once again, Daddy, me and Missy will cheer from the sidelines.
Big up the Social Media, I feel exactly like you, it's great to have friends you can reach out to from your sofa. I do think that when people have children or adopt children their social circle becomes smaller or more niche to a certain degree. I think as adopters we feel it more because in the early days we can't go out and show off our baby or have people round to meet the child and people soon move on if they don't see you. Also I have to agree, I too would have been lost without my mum.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up with The Weekly Adoption Shout Out. x
Enjoyed reading this. I can relate to some of the feelings and thoughts you have expressed. We are fortunate that those who said they would support us have done. However I think they have still had a shock at our hard it can be and how a different approach to parenting is sometimes needed (still learning that last bit myself).
ReplyDeleteI agree that the social network support is fantastic and I love being part of it - to share the highs and the lows with like minded people.
I wouldnt have survived without my online network of adopters, I totally understand!
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