A step backwards and Fathers Day

I haven't felt very inspired to write my blog lately.  Not sure why. Maybe it's because I had nothing of significance to write - all was going swimmingly (well for the most part) in our house.   Until this weekend.

Last Saturday Missy was cheeky, belligerent, crying at everything, crying each time I said no to something, kicked me, very nearly bit me, shouting, screaming.   My heart was pounding and whilst I attempted to remain calm, twice I had to lock myself in the bathroom to have a deep breath and a cry.  I haven't felt like this since back early in the year. Daddy was working all weekend so he wasn't around to help.  I know I shouldn't take what she says personally but it's hard not too when all I hear is how nasty I am, how she doesn't love me and wants to go back to her old mummy.  Once Daddy got home, we had tea and I disappeared upstairs and left him to do the parenting.  Of course, all was pretty much fine after that.

I really can't think what was the trigger for last Saturday.  Maybe it's a culmination of things such as preparing for Year 1, Daddy working all weekend, having breakfast early with Daddy and so it was ages til snack and lunchtime, not going to soft play (I changed my mind and decided Sunday would be a better day).  Perhaps we've been a bit too loose lately with boundaries, forward planning etc so I think I'll tighten the reins a bit.

Sunday was calmer.  It's Fathers Day so Missy gave him his cards this morning, one of which included a badge that Daddy wore all day and we visited him at work before soft play to check he was wearing it (he was).   I let her watch TV all morning, not something I usually do but she was much calmer and enjoyed watching the programmes and I had time to catch up on a few things.  I even managed a chapter of my latest book!  The rest of the day was pretty much ok and passed without incident. Sadly we didn't really get to celebrate Fathers' Day as Daddy and I had our tea much later than Missy as I wanted to get her bathed and bed early, but he did take her to one of the local playgrounds (erm,which happens to be in a pub garden!) for some Daddy/Daughter bonding before tea.

Last week ago I had to attend a PEP (Personal Educational Plan) Meeting at the school with Missy's SW, her teacher, her Year 1 teacher and the LA Educational Adviser.  SW started the meeting by talking about Missy's anxiety and about me and Daddy, like I wasn't in the room!  I surprised myself with my reaction - "that's my daughter you're talking about" and felt a little defensive.  This is good!   SW has seen me twice and Missy once in the last 2-3 months, she hasn't seen how Missy has changed! Grrr.  Anyway, I am now warming to her teacher who is certainly keeping an eye on her.  Anxieties appear in the classroom, particularly when she has to change activity or change her book.  She's still wetting herself almost daily too.  The Year 1 teacher is also the school SENCO which is good news. I'm still not convinced that her quietness in the classroom is quite right.  Quiet is not Missy.  I feel a sense of compliance or 'freeze' state, but we'll keep tabs on it.  The SW also let us know that she is moving on in August.  For me and Daddy, that's fine, we haven't warmed to her like our own SW who is fabulous.  But  I think Missy will find it challenging having a new SW to trust and like.

In other news, I went on a course yesterday "Trauma & The Body - How to support yourself using Somatic Experiencing".  More about this in another blog.