I have to keep reminding myself how far we've come since Missy came home a couple of years ago.
One battle I've decided not to keep fighting is over hair. I now allow Missy to do her own hair in the morning as long as it is tidy and appropriate for school. Actually she does a really good french plait, better than I could do. Now, this time last year if I'd asked her to do her hair again, or if she didn't like what I had done, there would have been a huge meltdown with screaming, crying, "I hate you", verbal and maybe physical abuse. Earlier this week I asked her to do her hair again and whilst she had a strop and a huff, she immediately did her her again, beautifully.
Other things also elicit a much calmer response from her than would have been the case a year ago. A meltdown only lasts five minutes, 10 minutes tops and I can sit quietly near her until calm Missy is 'back in the room'.
We no longer have to sit and plan the week ahead on her wall planner (in fact I might take it down) and she talks to me non-stop on the way home from school now instead of the stony silence or "don't talk to me" mood she used to be in.
Her reading and spelling is fantastic and she's becoming a lot less controlling, particularly when we are playing games.
We're doing ok and I need to keep reminding myself this.
It does sounds really positive!
ReplyDeleteThe wall planner thing - I think those kind of things are always good for any child (or), adopted or non-adopted. I think life is just easier if you know what's coming next and you can get 'ready' for it psychologically!
Sounds like things are coming along!! Thank you for the positive update.
ReplyDeleteThat does sound like huge progress, fantastic. Perhaps on a day to day basis it doesn't always feel like it though, and I do know that feeling. I agree with Claire that we all feel more comfortable knowing what's coming up, and 8 years in, my son is still happier when he knows what his next meal is. But then again my dad's the same and he didn't have at all the same issues in early life about where his next meal was coming from. So maybe that's a man thing..... ;)
ReplyDeleteThat does sound like huge progress, fantastic. Perhaps on a day to day basis it doesn't always feel like it though, and I do know that feeling. I agree with Claire that we all feel more comfortable knowing what's coming up, and 8 years in, my son is still happier when he knows what his next meal is. But then again my dad's the same and he didn't have at all the same issues in early life about where his next meal was coming from. So maybe that's a man thing..... ;)
ReplyDeleteThat does sound like huge progress, fantastic. Perhaps on a day to day basis it doesn't always feel like it though, and I do know that feeling. I agree with Claire that we all feel more comfortable knowing what's coming up, and 8 years in, my son is still happier when he knows what his next meal is. But then again my dad's the same and he didn't have at all the same issues in early life about where his next meal was coming from. So maybe that's a man thing..... ;)
ReplyDeleteThat does sound like huge progress, fantastic. Perhaps on a day to day basis it doesn't always feel like it though, and I do know that feeling. I agree with Claire that we all feel more comfortable knowing what's coming up, and 8 years in, my son is still happier when he knows what his next meal is. But then again my dad's the same and he didn't have at all the same issues in early life about where his next meal was coming from. So maybe that's a man thing..... ;)
ReplyDeleteWe do a lot of these recaps.
ReplyDeleteI find that sometimes I get so lost in the day-to-day stress that I don't realise how much we've achieved together. Stopping every now and again to reflect on the problems that have passed can be really heartening.
I hope you're feeling optimistic now!
Yes, lots of positives to focus on for you both. A lot of what our children manage to do every day is well worth celebrating. Just going to school for example, knowing that isn't always a positive environment for them, is a great achievement. You are doing so well and it is good to remind yourself that. xx
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing on #WASO
We've just started with our wall planner! So good to reflect on how things have changed for the better - something to hold on to when things feel tough x
ReplyDelete