I mentioned in a previous post about how Missy absolutely loved being thrown around the pool on holiday in Portugal. She has no fear of the water at all and could play in it for hours. So I decided to take her for swimming lessons.
It was her first lesson last week and for half an hour she had a permanent smile on her face. She wasn't exactly swimming as such but her confidence in the water meant she was happy to be there and without arm bands. In the lesson they use floats and those long bendy things, no idea what they are called! There are only 5 kids in the lesson with the teacher in the pool too plus a teacher out of the pool. As with gymnastics, Missy needs to concentrate more - actually that reminds, we were watching the tennis yesterday and Murray was 4-1 down in the second set when Missy shouts "Murray, you need to concentrate". And he did just that! :-)
Back to swimming. We've only had two lessons but there's definite potential there. Legs are going the wrong way and she's swallowing rather too much of the pool but the smile on her face for the whole lesson tells me she is thoroughly enjoying herself. I was really proud of her last week. Not sure yet if swimming and gymnastics will be too much for her - I suspect so at the moment so we'll see how she fares next term.
In other news, Missy is still wetting herself. Haven't cracked this one yet.
Monday, 8 July 2013
Friday, 5 July 2013
Our gorgeous cats
I am a massive animal lover. Cats are my main thing but over the years I've had smaller pets including rats, gerbils and hamsters. My cats keep me sane, they offer unconditional love. My first cat Floyd (which actually was my ex's cat) loved me, I was the first lap she'd ever sat on. She was a grumpy thing too, demanding and liked her own way - hmm who does she remind me of I wonder? I looked after her like no one had before, I combed her and talked to her. For logistical reaons, she actually lived with my parents. My Dad and her got on fantastically and when my Dad died, she went searching for him and would often sit under his electric keyboard in their spare room. She died 6 months later.
My second cat started life at my brother's but moved to mine when she was 2. She was my best friend when I lived alone - my eyes are welling up now thinking of her. She always said hello in the morning, she was my rock. When I had depression back in 2002, Lulu was the constant for me. If she could talk, well .... Sadly she died a few years ago, I was devastated, her photo is still the screen saver on my phone.
But now we have two cuties. We adopted them, of course. They are brothers, Badger & Jersey, who are mainly white with black spots, although as brothers they couldn't be less alike. Jersey is fluffy and a home cat, very cute and doesn't mind being picked up. Badger is slim and short hair, he likes adventure and will be gone for the whole day, coming back after a day of micing in the fields. He hates being picked up but always comes for a hug in the evenings and loves having head rubs. Our boys. We love them dearly.
When Missy arrived, we hoped she'd like them and they would like her. In the very early days, our concern was for the cats when she was having a screaming fit. Both cats ran the other way when they heard or saw Missy and we were worried, we didn't want our cats upset! But a few weeks in, an amazing thing happened. The fluffy home cat saw Missy with the cat hair comb and immediately went up to her. That was that, friends for life. The strange thing is he always knows when its storytime, wherever he is he will come into her bedroom when we are reading the story and sit on her bed until lights out. If Missy is crying, he'll come and see what's up. He's so cute.
On the other hand, Badger the adventure cat still hasn't really warmed to Missy. He doesn't run a mile, but he's not that happy about being in the same room as her. He likes to be alone, he likes the quiet life. He'll tolerate her and Missy doesn't take that much notice of adventure cat now.
Cats are an integral part of the family. They are our de-stressers. I can't imagine life without them. I've even contemplating writing a children's book about our cats' adventures. Watch this space!
This post is being linked up to #WASO
My second cat started life at my brother's but moved to mine when she was 2. She was my best friend when I lived alone - my eyes are welling up now thinking of her. She always said hello in the morning, she was my rock. When I had depression back in 2002, Lulu was the constant for me. If she could talk, well .... Sadly she died a few years ago, I was devastated, her photo is still the screen saver on my phone.
But now we have two cuties. We adopted them, of course. They are brothers, Badger & Jersey, who are mainly white with black spots, although as brothers they couldn't be less alike. Jersey is fluffy and a home cat, very cute and doesn't mind being picked up. Badger is slim and short hair, he likes adventure and will be gone for the whole day, coming back after a day of micing in the fields. He hates being picked up but always comes for a hug in the evenings and loves having head rubs. Our boys. We love them dearly.
When Missy arrived, we hoped she'd like them and they would like her. In the very early days, our concern was for the cats when she was having a screaming fit. Both cats ran the other way when they heard or saw Missy and we were worried, we didn't want our cats upset! But a few weeks in, an amazing thing happened. The fluffy home cat saw Missy with the cat hair comb and immediately went up to her. That was that, friends for life. The strange thing is he always knows when its storytime, wherever he is he will come into her bedroom when we are reading the story and sit on her bed until lights out. If Missy is crying, he'll come and see what's up. He's so cute.
On the other hand, Badger the adventure cat still hasn't really warmed to Missy. He doesn't run a mile, but he's not that happy about being in the same room as her. He likes to be alone, he likes the quiet life. He'll tolerate her and Missy doesn't take that much notice of adventure cat now.
Cats are an integral part of the family. They are our de-stressers. I can't imagine life without them. I've even contemplating writing a children's book about our cats' adventures. Watch this space!
This post is being linked up to #WASO
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
An Obstacle Course
It was Missy's PE Day at school today and one of the things she did was an obstacle course; some of the part of the course were easy for her and others not so easy but she got to the end. Life is like that at the moment; some whopping great obstacles in the way which are tough to get past but with persistence we get there. It's tough and it stretches us but on the whole we are moving forward.
Missy is up and down at the moment. As another adopter put it so well, she has "Reception-year-itis". The routine at school is being interrupted with PE Days, school trip, moving up day, supply teacher this week and arts week. The thoughts of moving to Year 1 is no doubt in her mind. She is still wetting daily.
In contrast, she absolutely loved her first swimming lesson and I saw that relaxed, smiley happy little girl that appears every now and then. She was awarded Badge 7 in her gymnastics and her counting and recognition of numbers is improving. We've been talking about Dream Boards and she has chosen a couple of things to put on hers. We'll do these in the holidays (which I need to plan!) and post them here.
Missy loves the word 'no' and tries to outsmart me by saying things like "If you don't do (xyz) then I won't ever draw you a picture again". Recently though she was darker and said "If you don't play with me then I'll stab you". Slightly disturbing and I can only think she's heard that phrase from her birth mum. The next day she commented that she didn't mean it and when she said she hated me she said she was only pretending.
One minute she is delightful, funny, in the moment, the next she is in fight, flight or freeze mode. It must be so tiring for her physiology. It's blimmin tiring for me keeping up with her mood. I try to stay as calm as possible whatever mood she's in and several people, whose opinions I really value, say how calm me and Daddy are. And breeeeeathe.
We've got our Adoption Review this Friday, our third. Oh joy. No doubt they will ask us about putting in the Adoption Order. I'll update on that after Friday.
In other news, I've lost 8lbs in weight! Yeehah!
Missy is up and down at the moment. As another adopter put it so well, she has "Reception-year-itis". The routine at school is being interrupted with PE Days, school trip, moving up day, supply teacher this week and arts week. The thoughts of moving to Year 1 is no doubt in her mind. She is still wetting daily.
In contrast, she absolutely loved her first swimming lesson and I saw that relaxed, smiley happy little girl that appears every now and then. She was awarded Badge 7 in her gymnastics and her counting and recognition of numbers is improving. We've been talking about Dream Boards and she has chosen a couple of things to put on hers. We'll do these in the holidays (which I need to plan!) and post them here.
Missy loves the word 'no' and tries to outsmart me by saying things like "If you don't do (xyz) then I won't ever draw you a picture again". Recently though she was darker and said "If you don't play with me then I'll stab you". Slightly disturbing and I can only think she's heard that phrase from her birth mum. The next day she commented that she didn't mean it and when she said she hated me she said she was only pretending.
One minute she is delightful, funny, in the moment, the next she is in fight, flight or freeze mode. It must be so tiring for her physiology. It's blimmin tiring for me keeping up with her mood. I try to stay as calm as possible whatever mood she's in and several people, whose opinions I really value, say how calm me and Daddy are. And breeeeeathe.
We've got our Adoption Review this Friday, our third. Oh joy. No doubt they will ask us about putting in the Adoption Order. I'll update on that after Friday.
In other news, I've lost 8lbs in weight! Yeehah!
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
A step backwards and Fathers Day
I haven't felt very inspired to write my blog lately. Not sure why. Maybe it's because I had nothing of significance to write - all was going swimmingly (well for the most part) in our house. Until this weekend.
Last Saturday Missy was cheeky, belligerent, crying at everything, crying each time I said no to something, kicked me, very nearly bit me, shouting, screaming. My heart was pounding and whilst I attempted to remain calm, twice I had to lock myself in the bathroom to have a deep breath and a cry. I haven't felt like this since back early in the year. Daddy was working all weekend so he wasn't around to help. I know I shouldn't take what she says personally but it's hard not too when all I hear is how nasty I am, how she doesn't love me and wants to go back to her old mummy. Once Daddy got home, we had tea and I disappeared upstairs and left him to do the parenting. Of course, all was pretty much fine after that.
I really can't think what was the trigger for last Saturday. Maybe it's a culmination of things such as preparing for Year 1, Daddy working all weekend, having breakfast early with Daddy and so it was ages til snack and lunchtime, not going to soft play (I changed my mind and decided Sunday would be a better day). Perhaps we've been a bit too loose lately with boundaries, forward planning etc so I think I'll tighten the reins a bit.
Sunday was calmer. It's Fathers Day so Missy gave him his cards this morning, one of which included a badge that Daddy wore all day and we visited him at work before soft play to check he was wearing it (he was). I let her watch TV all morning, not something I usually do but she was much calmer and enjoyed watching the programmes and I had time to catch up on a few things. I even managed a chapter of my latest book! The rest of the day was pretty much ok and passed without incident. Sadly we didn't really get to celebrate Fathers' Day as Daddy and I had our tea much later than Missy as I wanted to get her bathed and bed early, but he did take her to one of the local playgrounds (erm,which happens to be in a pub garden!) for some Daddy/Daughter bonding before tea.
Last week ago I had to attend a PEP (Personal Educational Plan) Meeting at the school with Missy's SW, her teacher, her Year 1 teacher and the LA Educational Adviser. SW started the meeting by talking about Missy's anxiety and about me and Daddy, like I wasn't in the room! I surprised myself with my reaction - "that's my daughter you're talking about" and felt a little defensive. This is good! SW has seen me twice and Missy once in the last 2-3 months, she hasn't seen how Missy has changed! Grrr. Anyway, I am now warming to her teacher who is certainly keeping an eye on her. Anxieties appear in the classroom, particularly when she has to change activity or change her book. She's still wetting herself almost daily too. The Year 1 teacher is also the school SENCO which is good news. I'm still not convinced that her quietness in the classroom is quite right. Quiet is not Missy. I feel a sense of compliance or 'freeze' state, but we'll keep tabs on it. The SW also let us know that she is moving on in August. For me and Daddy, that's fine, we haven't warmed to her like our own SW who is fabulous. But I think Missy will find it challenging having a new SW to trust and like.
In other news, I went on a course yesterday "Trauma & The Body - How to support yourself using Somatic Experiencing". More about this in another blog.
Last Saturday Missy was cheeky, belligerent, crying at everything, crying each time I said no to something, kicked me, very nearly bit me, shouting, screaming. My heart was pounding and whilst I attempted to remain calm, twice I had to lock myself in the bathroom to have a deep breath and a cry. I haven't felt like this since back early in the year. Daddy was working all weekend so he wasn't around to help. I know I shouldn't take what she says personally but it's hard not too when all I hear is how nasty I am, how she doesn't love me and wants to go back to her old mummy. Once Daddy got home, we had tea and I disappeared upstairs and left him to do the parenting. Of course, all was pretty much fine after that.
I really can't think what was the trigger for last Saturday. Maybe it's a culmination of things such as preparing for Year 1, Daddy working all weekend, having breakfast early with Daddy and so it was ages til snack and lunchtime, not going to soft play (I changed my mind and decided Sunday would be a better day). Perhaps we've been a bit too loose lately with boundaries, forward planning etc so I think I'll tighten the reins a bit.
Sunday was calmer. It's Fathers Day so Missy gave him his cards this morning, one of which included a badge that Daddy wore all day and we visited him at work before soft play to check he was wearing it (he was). I let her watch TV all morning, not something I usually do but she was much calmer and enjoyed watching the programmes and I had time to catch up on a few things. I even managed a chapter of my latest book! The rest of the day was pretty much ok and passed without incident. Sadly we didn't really get to celebrate Fathers' Day as Daddy and I had our tea much later than Missy as I wanted to get her bathed and bed early, but he did take her to one of the local playgrounds (erm,which happens to be in a pub garden!) for some Daddy/Daughter bonding before tea.
Last week ago I had to attend a PEP (Personal Educational Plan) Meeting at the school with Missy's SW, her teacher, her Year 1 teacher and the LA Educational Adviser. SW started the meeting by talking about Missy's anxiety and about me and Daddy, like I wasn't in the room! I surprised myself with my reaction - "that's my daughter you're talking about" and felt a little defensive. This is good! SW has seen me twice and Missy once in the last 2-3 months, she hasn't seen how Missy has changed! Grrr. Anyway, I am now warming to her teacher who is certainly keeping an eye on her. Anxieties appear in the classroom, particularly when she has to change activity or change her book. She's still wetting herself almost daily too. The Year 1 teacher is also the school SENCO which is good news. I'm still not convinced that her quietness in the classroom is quite right. Quiet is not Missy. I feel a sense of compliance or 'freeze' state, but we'll keep tabs on it. The SW also let us know that she is moving on in August. For me and Daddy, that's fine, we haven't warmed to her like our own SW who is fabulous. But I think Missy will find it challenging having a new SW to trust and like.
In other news, I went on a course yesterday "Trauma & The Body - How to support yourself using Somatic Experiencing". More about this in another blog.
Monday, 3 June 2013
Our first holiday abroad
Today is the last day of the half term holidays (inset day today) and about time I gave an update.
The week before half term was unsettling for Missy. She wasn't herself and school noticed this too. Whilst she wasn't having meltdowns or major tantrums, she was more tearful than useful. Anything would set her off. I put this down to a variety of things: forthcoming holiday to Portugal and all that goes with it, not being in the talent show at school, her family finder SW telling her it would be the last time she was visiting and Theraplay.
We did our best to prepare Missy for the holiday - involved her in packing, bought her a book about airports showing what Passenger Pete did at each stage, talked about what we would all do once there, explained about our cats going on their own holiday, talked about what we would do when we all got back home etc etc. More about the actual holiday later.
The talent show was a learning curve for Missy. Being in it was optional and although Missy said she did want to participate, she didn't want to rehearse. Teacher spoke to me about it and I spoke with Missy about it, explaining that it's important to practice and practice when you want to do something new. In the end I agreed with teacher that Missy wouldn't be in the show - it wasn't fair on those who practiced a lot and Missy would have looked a bit of a lemon on stage. Lesson learned for next year.
Back to the holiday. It went well. Hurrah!!
Missy enjoyed virtually every moment. She was excited about going, didn't appear apprehensive, was really good at the airport and not overwhelmed. We had a very early start at 3.50am (when we left the dawn chorus was in full swing and a cuckoo was making his presence well known - such a great sound). We met my brother, sis-in-law and mum at the airport in time for breakfast. We had bought Missy a Trunki (got a bargain on ebay) which she loved when we showed it to her, and indeed it proved useful for packing her toys, colouring and books for the flights, but pulling the thing along was not of much interest to Missy and Daddy and I ended up carrying it. The flight was good, the long drive to my brother's house passed without incident and once at his house she made herself right at home straight away. We practiced the night time routine which we always do in a new place; going from her room to bathroom and her room to our room. Her room was in between both our room and the bathroom and she found her way to the loo in the early hours with no problem, and not a wet bed in sight.
Missy's highlight was the pool. Previously I'd taken her to the local swimming pool where she hadn't really ventured from the side even with arm bands. On holiday, however, within minutes she was treading water and doggy paddling with her arm bands on. The best bit for her though was being thrown and chucked in the water by Daddy. She absolutely loved it. I wish I could show a video, it's hilarious. She'd still be in there now if we didn't have to come home. I'm really pleased she has so much confidence in the water considering she'd only been to a pool a couple of times before.
We visited the beach, which was stunning. A vastness of sand, the tide out a long way and not another person in sight. If any of you know Formby in the North West, it reminded me of there. Whilst the weather was sunny, it was very windy and too cold to sunbathe so we paddled, walked, climbed the sanddunes and made sandcastles.
What I valued was having a break from being the centre of attention. My brother and sis-in-law were brilliant with her and mum is a complete star. Mum is an early riser and seeing that Missy was also up early, offered to read her a story each morning, which Missy loved.
It was lovely to see Missy so relaxed and care-free. She has a beautiful smile and a lovely giggle when she's really enjoying herself and we saw this on many occasions. Yes, there were a few grumpy moments and the food issue was evident though low-key but on the whole it was a great week. We only went for four nights as we weren't sure how it would go when we arranged the holiday, but it's great to know that Missy enjoyed it and bodes well for future holidays abroad.
Back home, Daddy continued his holiday, going back to work tomorrow. I love it when he's home as we share the parenting well, it takes the pressure of me and it's important bonding time for him and Missy. The last few days have been enjoyable too, not least because the sun has been out and it's been really quite warm. We've played a lot with Missy (she's still very demanding of our time), we've had a picnic as part of national The Big Lunch event (which led us to a local park we never even knew was there!), and we've been bird spotting in a local reserve (saw a kingfisher and a heron fishing). Today was Parent Consultation time at school which was fine; no major issues from either side, a few things we pointed out but nothing either side are too worried about. Missy has been stubborn, cheeky and talking back a fair bit the last few days but I think it's because she's in her safe surroundings and feels able to do this. A couple of adopter friends reckon this is good! They're a bit more experienced than me so I'll take there word for it at the moment!
So, all in all, a good week and another few steps forward.
The week before half term was unsettling for Missy. She wasn't herself and school noticed this too. Whilst she wasn't having meltdowns or major tantrums, she was more tearful than useful. Anything would set her off. I put this down to a variety of things: forthcoming holiday to Portugal and all that goes with it, not being in the talent show at school, her family finder SW telling her it would be the last time she was visiting and Theraplay.
We did our best to prepare Missy for the holiday - involved her in packing, bought her a book about airports showing what Passenger Pete did at each stage, talked about what we would all do once there, explained about our cats going on their own holiday, talked about what we would do when we all got back home etc etc. More about the actual holiday later.
The talent show was a learning curve for Missy. Being in it was optional and although Missy said she did want to participate, she didn't want to rehearse. Teacher spoke to me about it and I spoke with Missy about it, explaining that it's important to practice and practice when you want to do something new. In the end I agreed with teacher that Missy wouldn't be in the show - it wasn't fair on those who practiced a lot and Missy would have looked a bit of a lemon on stage. Lesson learned for next year.
Back to the holiday. It went well. Hurrah!!
Missy enjoyed virtually every moment. She was excited about going, didn't appear apprehensive, was really good at the airport and not overwhelmed. We had a very early start at 3.50am (when we left the dawn chorus was in full swing and a cuckoo was making his presence well known - such a great sound). We met my brother, sis-in-law and mum at the airport in time for breakfast. We had bought Missy a Trunki (got a bargain on ebay) which she loved when we showed it to her, and indeed it proved useful for packing her toys, colouring and books for the flights, but pulling the thing along was not of much interest to Missy and Daddy and I ended up carrying it. The flight was good, the long drive to my brother's house passed without incident and once at his house she made herself right at home straight away. We practiced the night time routine which we always do in a new place; going from her room to bathroom and her room to our room. Her room was in between both our room and the bathroom and she found her way to the loo in the early hours with no problem, and not a wet bed in sight.
Missy's highlight was the pool. Previously I'd taken her to the local swimming pool where she hadn't really ventured from the side even with arm bands. On holiday, however, within minutes she was treading water and doggy paddling with her arm bands on. The best bit for her though was being thrown and chucked in the water by Daddy. She absolutely loved it. I wish I could show a video, it's hilarious. She'd still be in there now if we didn't have to come home. I'm really pleased she has so much confidence in the water considering she'd only been to a pool a couple of times before.
We visited the beach, which was stunning. A vastness of sand, the tide out a long way and not another person in sight. If any of you know Formby in the North West, it reminded me of there. Whilst the weather was sunny, it was very windy and too cold to sunbathe so we paddled, walked, climbed the sanddunes and made sandcastles.
What I valued was having a break from being the centre of attention. My brother and sis-in-law were brilliant with her and mum is a complete star. Mum is an early riser and seeing that Missy was also up early, offered to read her a story each morning, which Missy loved.
It was lovely to see Missy so relaxed and care-free. She has a beautiful smile and a lovely giggle when she's really enjoying herself and we saw this on many occasions. Yes, there were a few grumpy moments and the food issue was evident though low-key but on the whole it was a great week. We only went for four nights as we weren't sure how it would go when we arranged the holiday, but it's great to know that Missy enjoyed it and bodes well for future holidays abroad.
Back home, Daddy continued his holiday, going back to work tomorrow. I love it when he's home as we share the parenting well, it takes the pressure of me and it's important bonding time for him and Missy. The last few days have been enjoyable too, not least because the sun has been out and it's been really quite warm. We've played a lot with Missy (she's still very demanding of our time), we've had a picnic as part of national The Big Lunch event (which led us to a local park we never even knew was there!), and we've been bird spotting in a local reserve (saw a kingfisher and a heron fishing). Today was Parent Consultation time at school which was fine; no major issues from either side, a few things we pointed out but nothing either side are too worried about. Missy has been stubborn, cheeky and talking back a fair bit the last few days but I think it's because she's in her safe surroundings and feels able to do this. A couple of adopter friends reckon this is good! They're a bit more experienced than me so I'll take there word for it at the moment!
So, all in all, a good week and another few steps forward.
Monday, 20 May 2013
What is normal?
On the whole life in the Missy household has been fine for the last week. It's been normal. But our normal includes wetting, tears, screaming, kicking, anger, angelic, funny, sweet. Actually there's been not much on the massive tantrum front for a while, just the daily strops.
Last Tuesday was a tearful afternoon but I put that down to the Theraplay session where the therapist encouraged Missy to think about emotions such as scary, happy, sad and excited and got her to think of times she felt like this with birth mum. Consequently, she was very tearful later and anything and everything set her off.
Contrast this with last Saturday. We went into London to Mums Show Live and met up with a friend and her 5 year old. I wondered how Missy would react but for the most part she was relaxed and really did seem to enjoy herself. She gets on really well with my friend's daughter which is lovely to see. Both of them had their faces painted, played in tents, did drawings, made butterflies, had their nails painted, had their hair done and ate ice cream. Missy was a little quiet during Carrie and David Grant's book launch (I think Carrie is so inspiring - three birth children with seven issues between them - ADHD, Aspergers and Dyspraxia to name three - and one adopted son). It was a noisy dance-a-long launch and whilst friend's daughter joined in fully, Missy clung to me and was a little overwhelmed. But apart from that, she relaxed, smiled and laughed most of the day. And the day was long - 10-5 at the show, home at 6.30 which is over an hour after Missy's teatime and then an hour later to bed.
The thing I struggle with with Missy is working out what is normal 5 year old behaviour, what is normal but just that little bit more intense with Missy and what is not 'normal' 5 year old behaviour that is a direct consequence of her background.
Missy has been recognised at school lately on a couple of occasions for being so neat and tidy. Teacher tells us she is a joy and a quiet member of the class. Missy? Tidy? Quiet? Now is this being too compliant or is she, like I was at school, just being, well, a good girl?
Sometimes Missy does something, acts in a certain way, but then I see her friend act exactly the same and I think 'oh good, she's being a 5 year old, nothing more, nothing less'.
I'm still a new mother and still getting to grips with what being 5 means. I know her wetting and her frustrations are a direct result of her background. She can be very intense and my friend noticed this a few times on Saturday. Sometimes, she cries at something that one of her classmates may cry at, like many youngsters she's probably excited yet wary about going on holiday abroad for the first time, but I know with Missy her emotions are heightened. This may come out in her language - whilst playing hairdressers and with me as a customer, she's asking her 'customer' if she can stay with them forever. We've done that a lot this week.
I hope one day (and I know it's still early days) that I won't be forever analysing Missy's actions, language, tears and laughter. It's hard work and I wish we could just be - but we can't - for now anyway.
Last Tuesday was a tearful afternoon but I put that down to the Theraplay session where the therapist encouraged Missy to think about emotions such as scary, happy, sad and excited and got her to think of times she felt like this with birth mum. Consequently, she was very tearful later and anything and everything set her off.
Contrast this with last Saturday. We went into London to Mums Show Live and met up with a friend and her 5 year old. I wondered how Missy would react but for the most part she was relaxed and really did seem to enjoy herself. She gets on really well with my friend's daughter which is lovely to see. Both of them had their faces painted, played in tents, did drawings, made butterflies, had their nails painted, had their hair done and ate ice cream. Missy was a little quiet during Carrie and David Grant's book launch (I think Carrie is so inspiring - three birth children with seven issues between them - ADHD, Aspergers and Dyspraxia to name three - and one adopted son). It was a noisy dance-a-long launch and whilst friend's daughter joined in fully, Missy clung to me and was a little overwhelmed. But apart from that, she relaxed, smiled and laughed most of the day. And the day was long - 10-5 at the show, home at 6.30 which is over an hour after Missy's teatime and then an hour later to bed.
The thing I struggle with with Missy is working out what is normal 5 year old behaviour, what is normal but just that little bit more intense with Missy and what is not 'normal' 5 year old behaviour that is a direct consequence of her background.
Missy has been recognised at school lately on a couple of occasions for being so neat and tidy. Teacher tells us she is a joy and a quiet member of the class. Missy? Tidy? Quiet? Now is this being too compliant or is she, like I was at school, just being, well, a good girl?
Sometimes Missy does something, acts in a certain way, but then I see her friend act exactly the same and I think 'oh good, she's being a 5 year old, nothing more, nothing less'.
I'm still a new mother and still getting to grips with what being 5 means. I know her wetting and her frustrations are a direct result of her background. She can be very intense and my friend noticed this a few times on Saturday. Sometimes, she cries at something that one of her classmates may cry at, like many youngsters she's probably excited yet wary about going on holiday abroad for the first time, but I know with Missy her emotions are heightened. This may come out in her language - whilst playing hairdressers and with me as a customer, she's asking her 'customer' if she can stay with them forever. We've done that a lot this week.
I hope one day (and I know it's still early days) that I won't be forever analysing Missy's actions, language, tears and laughter. It's hard work and I wish we could just be - but we can't - for now anyway.
Friday, 10 May 2013
Achieving in Art
Do you ever dream that you know the answer to something, can sing a song all the way through, or have the perfect reply to someone? I dreamt a fabulous blog post last night. It was about achieving. I'm no journalist so I kinda write as I think but this blog in my dreams was brilliant!
However, you'll have to do with this one as I can't remember what I said in my dream.
When we were going through our assessment, our social worker asked where we thought we'd be in 20 years time. We'd be 64 and 70 and Missy would be 25. I said I'd hoped she might have had some further education, working her way through her first job, maybe even a mini-entrepreneur. Our social worker said we shouldn't hope for much as adoptees are not achievers. Ooooh, I wanted to blow my top right there! I don't really get annoyed much but that comment got my goat. How dare she label children so freely. And what, anyway, does achieving mean - everyone has different meanings of achieving and success. Just because she might not want to go to uni does not make her a non-achiever, just because she might not want to be a lawyer, a doctor, a city high flyer does not make her a non-achiever. Whatever she does she will have achived. Uni is not the be-all and end-all. If she's a hairdresser, she will have achieved; if she's a dancer, she will have achieved; if she's a waitress, great! (I said it far more articularely in my dream).
Right now, Missy is achieving great things in her artwork. Her pictures often leave me and Daddy speechless, they are so good. Drawing and making things is her passion and her resourcefullness makes me smile a lot. I certainly was not that good at art when I was 5. The school have noticed her talent and we're looking forward to creative art week at school.
Here's a sample of her work:
A peacock (not copied, all from her own little head)
Rapunzel, the prince and his horse
Daddy's breakfast - she painted some sponge to make it look like toast, glued it to a plate and stuck on some coloured paper baked beans and a knife and fork. Brilliant.
A pony
However, you'll have to do with this one as I can't remember what I said in my dream.
When we were going through our assessment, our social worker asked where we thought we'd be in 20 years time. We'd be 64 and 70 and Missy would be 25. I said I'd hoped she might have had some further education, working her way through her first job, maybe even a mini-entrepreneur. Our social worker said we shouldn't hope for much as adoptees are not achievers. Ooooh, I wanted to blow my top right there! I don't really get annoyed much but that comment got my goat. How dare she label children so freely. And what, anyway, does achieving mean - everyone has different meanings of achieving and success. Just because she might not want to go to uni does not make her a non-achiever, just because she might not want to be a lawyer, a doctor, a city high flyer does not make her a non-achiever. Whatever she does she will have achived. Uni is not the be-all and end-all. If she's a hairdresser, she will have achieved; if she's a dancer, she will have achieved; if she's a waitress, great! (I said it far more articularely in my dream).
Right now, Missy is achieving great things in her artwork. Her pictures often leave me and Daddy speechless, they are so good. Drawing and making things is her passion and her resourcefullness makes me smile a lot. I certainly was not that good at art when I was 5. The school have noticed her talent and we're looking forward to creative art week at school.
Here's a sample of her work:
A peacock (not copied, all from her own little head)
Rapunzel, the prince and his horse
Daddy's breakfast - she painted some sponge to make it look like toast, glued it to a plate and stuck on some coloured paper baked beans and a knife and fork. Brilliant.
A pony
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